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Run, Lola! Run!

Run, Lola! Run!

Violence. This word is usually understood as the use of physical force in order to cause harm or coercion to something. But today the term “psychological violence” sounds more and more often, and with it “blackmail”, “humiliation”, “pressure” ... All this is commonly called the word “abuse”, which hides destructive, destructive interpersonal relationships.

Abusive relationships are by no means a novelty, but today everybody finally started talking about it. Families in which the spouse waves his fists have always been, but to discuss this out loud is not accepted today. What can we say about sexual and psychological violence, which leaves a mark only in the soul of the victim, remaining invisible to others.

There have always been families in which the spouse waves fists

There have always been families in which the spouse waves fists, photo WEB

Psychological abuse is insidious, takes different forms, and its object does not understand the situation. The situation reaches the point of absurdity - the victim feels guilty, dependent, worthless in everything ... Do not rush to think that only simpletons and weak-willed “rags” find themselves in such a trap. Beautiful successful women also become victims of abusers.

It is impossible to recognize the signs of the abuser in the family, if you do not know about the existence of psychological abusing, the victim’s internal compass is broken. At first, the behavior of the abuser seems to be the embodiment of masculinity and care - he takes care of his woman, worries about where she is, gives gifts and literally carries it in her hands ... So the abuser forms the victim’s attachment and strengthens control over her.

At first, the behavior of the abuser seems to be the embodiment of masculinity and care.

At first, the behavior of the abuser seems to be the embodiment of masculinity and care, photo WEB

After that he slowly destroys her contacts with the outside world in order to close it on himself - “your friends are envious / stupid / frivolous ... not like you!” Hop! Soon the unfortunate finds herself in a trap, which at first seems like a paradise. But after a while, "beloved silly girl" turns into a "stupid chicken", which sits on her neck, does everything wrong and, in general, "is to blame for everything."

And this feeling of guilt for destroying paradise finally breaks the subject of abusing ... Scenarios, of course, are different, but women have developed intuition and feel when “something is wrong” in a relationship. If anxiety overcomes, and discomfort transforms into depression, you should take a closer look and find out if your man is an abuser.

Abuser slowly destroys contacts with the outside world,

Abuser slowly destroys contacts with the outside world, photo WEB

A powerful manipulator, a short-tempered daffodil, a man with a bunch of complexes, possibly with a child’s psychological trauma and, possibly, with an unhealthy addiction to something - alcohol, smoking, games, sex ... This is the psychological portrait of the abuser. The problem is that on the day of acquaintance, these qualities are not written on his forehead, and then they gradually appear. 

Then how do you recognize the abuser? The abuser man is cruel. Of course, he will not fight on a first date, but if a man just says cruelty, he is able to go to action and offend not by word but by deeds.

Imperious manipulator is addicted to alcohol, smoking and games

Imperious manipulator is addicted to alcohol, smoking and games, photo WEB

He swings the swing - insulting jokes and immediately says that he did not mean bad. But gradually the jokes become not funny - the “whip” is getting more painful, and the “gingerbread” is getting smaller ... The victim is gradually getting used to it.

Violates personal space. In such relationships there are no closed doors, passwords and conversations with friends. He monitors social networks, checks calls, controls every step ... At first unobtrusively, and then - for granted.

Abuser monitors social networks, checks calls and controls every step

Abuser monitors social networks, checks calls and controls every step, photo WEB

Man is the main one, decides everything, and so quickly that there is no time to insert a word. Therefore, an affair with a psychological abuser is developing rapidly. He demands to get together soon, get married, have children and be sure to quit work ... How sweet! Not. This is the path to absolute dependence on a husband-abuser who becomes the center of the universe.

Loves like no one else. He tells her that no one will need her, because only he accepts her with all the shortcomings (and there are a million of them!). These confessions firmly bind the victim to the rapist at the beginning of the relationship and do not let go after that, when the abuser reveals his true face.

Abuser suggests that no one needs her besides him

Abuser suggests that no one needs her besides him, photo WEB

He is not to blame for anything. And more precisely - the woman is to blame for everything. It comes to the point of absurdity, but the psychological vampire easily explains the failure at the interview with the burned eggs in the morning. And he does it so masterly that the victim unconditionally believes.

How to resist abuser? No way. If you contacted such a maniac - do not try to fix him, do not entertain pride with illusions. This is dangerous! Destructive relationships, like a wave of surf, spin and drag "under the water." The victim loses orientation, does not understand which way to “swim” ... There is only one player in this story, and you cannot replay it.

The woman is always to blame for the abuser

The woman is always to blame for the abuser, photo WEB

He accurately destroys the self-esteem of his toys, and she ceases to realize who the real culprit is. Alas, at the extreme point of such a relationship of humiliation and beating, a woman perceives almost as absolution ... This is not a game, not a fight, it is a moral murder that can only be prevented by flight.

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